Tempest Blown with the Wind #1 February 5, MMIX Loading IO.SYS... < Salute, pilots from Wing X, Wing Commander Domi , Commodore TBA (¿?) and last but not least Flight Officer... I mean (*ejem*) TIE Corps Commander Jarek La'an >
Welcome to this, my very first Weekly Report for my beloved Squadron, the mighty Cyc... Tempest! The Mighty Tempest, "The Riders on the Storm". First of all you'll all notice this one is but very similar to my old Cyclone WSRs, even... you know... identical? Great! Have yerselves one of my poisoned cookies and let's go to what matters here. The TIE Corps Fleet has been overhauled a little in these last months I'd say. Some ships have been closed (pooooor poooor Sov, I think I won't be able to look at gargantuan things the same way ever again), others have been reopened (SSD... errr... Imperator? So much for their imagination, especially when it's supposed to carry 3 officers and a bunch of elitesnesss :P), a few new spots have been created among the TC higher ups (SOO, VA Viper Pred and the new DEAN, VA Astin, for ye to try and play the old kill-the-dude-above game and get yerselves one of those coveted Admiralty ranks) and what *REALLY* has been nerving everybody around, from the lowest Cadet to the highest Lt. Colonel (don't think those ranks above are Playing Characters anyways >:)) as long as they did belong to Wing X: the new rule of 2 Squadrons per Wing and Ship due to our current low numbers, gentlemen. So it was written and so it was done. Thus the TCCOM said: "Let there be Squadrons actually filled with active pilots!" (0000000000hhhh!!!) Voilá!! Typhoon is no more! Cyclone is no more (blasphemy!!!! :___D)! But Tornado and Tempest ARE. And the TCCOM saw that the mess was for good and so ended the first TC Restructure season. And the Fleet was reopened again after having been officially closed last December, preparing its way to victory once again. The mailing lists started to know the pleasures of written mails once again. And... and... Dan returned (I think he has some silly vengeance to carry on with or so the armed proton torpedoe I found yesterday below my pillow says)!! And... and... everything seemed to work again. Rejoyce, my pilots! For I'm pretty sure that soon Coruscant will be ours once again, the Yuuzan Vokokonks or whatever it must be spelled will be sent back into oblivion (by those NR morons hence why Coruscant will be ours following the mandatory mayhem on their side) and we'll start finding curious black monoliths floating on some planets' orbits every now and then. :-D And this is how it starts, my minions. Here you are your first Weekly Squadron Report of this our New Emperor's Hammer Era! And get used to my widely known NUTness because with time it shall become your companion... Your... provider... And your MASTER!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Why nobody told me this thing was in need of a News Section?!! Do you really think I'd have written so damned much there above if I'd come to know about? This IS TREASON! >.P Oh well... let's see... First! Tempest Squadron has been reopened following the TIE Corps Restructure. And some crazy and deranged psycho only known as codename "Zós" (beware!) has been appointed CMDR thus punishing himself with all sorts of damnations in the form of websites to make, WSRs to release, WCs+ to kill and so on. Tempest Roster has been temporary filled as well, with final Roster to be announced after the end of the currently running Wing X AWOL Check on February 7th. Hehehe... this is gonna be funny. Either that or at least we'll make it loud if we must blow the place all of a sudden, won't we? ^_^
Now you have a new Tempest patch for your dress uniforms in case you want to use it. So... USE IT! You'll find the instructions to do so after adding Tempest to the Wing X Rosters on TTT2 on that annoying e-mail I sent you a few days ago; YES, on that e-mail I'm NOT going to copy here. Or you can also wait for LC Tempest (the dirty old SOViet!) to finish his version which will surely be far better than that of mine given his known graphic skills. Your choice. Always your choice, what else? =) (I'll launch heavy ordnance to whoever doesn't wear mine though >:)) Now you have a new Tempest Banner made by your very own tribal chieftain (aka. CMDR) who suddenly realized what was that thing named The Gimp for (to piss off people around basically). I tried to make it following all those old Tempest themes like the storm, the wild horse... I didn't add the knight 'cos he's supposed to travel inside his cockpit impaled in his own lance you see... everything's there for those of you who were among "The Riders on the Storm" before to get all those old Tempest memories coming back again and whatnot. Hey, Dan! Dan, send me a ham... It works!!! :-D Now you have a new Tempest website and... no, wait... this one is not done yet. But not necessary to hold on your hopes so much gentlemen. It WILL. On the other hand some moron forgot to update the main ISD Challenge site at http://isdchallenge.org/ and *then Zós realizes who's the current Chal web mantainer*... And no doubt that something terrible and ominous must have happened for such a fine and dedicated officer to have forgotten one of his primary tasks... (ejem)... ^_^u Now you have a new Tempest Messageboard under ISD Challenge main board. And you better use it and answer my welcome post. And quick!! Because you can't even start to realize the things that Vice Admiral Bruk made me to do in order to get that thing inagurated... x__0u And here I could tell you about our good old Dan, who finally decided to return where he belongs after providing trouble on each and every TC-related Admiralty + XO spot those madmans in command found appropiate to give him. But then again, all of us have been tossed here at the same time, weren't we? And I could tell you about COL Nav'ric Trow who has recently returned to the Fleet after having fled in terror from M/FRG Phoenix after having realized that everybody NOT in the active Rosters must be wandering around THERE (and hell! That could scare the crap of me and that's not easy given the fact that I find difficult to identify even my wingmates out there!). But then again, he's in my Flight and I'm more important. So in the end I won't tell you anything, see? Aaaaaaaaand... now WE have... (*drumroll*) No less than... (*drumroll*) A brand new... (*drumroll*) ¬¬... (*drumroll*) /me makes the guy at the drums to eat his own drumsticks TIE CORPS DATABASE!!! (http://tc.emperorshammer.org/) That's it, pilots!! After so many months waiting for this crucial event, Fleet Admiral Anahorn Dempsey, TACtical Officer of The Emperor's Hammer, old Wing X lass and top-dangerous to mess with if you really want to keep your arms where they are after having fled in one piece from Kashyyyk, has coded all alone the thing! True story! Currently is on it's beta stage and we're testing it as you read. And we won't stop 'till that bunch of PHP queries start releasing smoke I tell you! For the time being do as I told you on my infamous e-mail and login yourselves, check your profiles, edit your stuff, try each and every thing you're allowed to try and then don't hesitate to make our lifes miserable with all sorts of bugs and complaints, ;-D Last minute issue!! We made Vitaru, our current Flight III Leader, a Commander (CM) of pilots within The TIE Corps. I think this is actually the first automatic promotion the new database processes (approved by the TCCOM, of course; automatic because this time we didn't need to forward a ton of silly e-mails between us in order to do such a simple thing! Anyways, feel free to forward Commander Vitaru your most sincere congrats and meet him at the Wing X Cantina already for one of our BIG-FAT parties. :-D Ummm... why we promoted the "Lord of the Cork Oaks" is beyond me... and then there's still the issue with his new Missile Boat, conveniently disappeared and now replaced with a simple T/I. But rest assured that whatever is going on here we'll know about soon. That is: as soon as we make CM Vitaru to enjoy the pleasures of his promotion party, without prompting nor asking for permission. ¬¬
( Spoilers!!! Sure! Look at this...
Then again, the current Tempest Roster is TEMPORARY. Mainly due to the fact that I'm still considering who among you will be the 2 Tempest Flight Leaders and also because we're still waiting for a couple of old Wing Xers to report in before the AWOL Check is over. But for the time being I suggest you that if you're *REALLY* interested in a FL spot and ready to perform as a *TRUE* worth specimen of such fauna to write me on the subject clearly exposing what are your short-term plans to further improve both activity and morale on your Flight. Long terms not needed, chances are you'll be fired on my first CMDR-rampage glimpse anyways. >:-J (just joking, send me your applications dammit! :-P) Otherwise random murders will continue until morale improves. The final version of our Roster, our new Flight Leaders and other spooky news of the likes to be announced right after the AWOL Check is over on February 7th. Stay tuned! I suppose you're all almost begging for some Squadron-level competitions here in order to get yourselves some metal to overweight your dress jackets. Niiiice!! And I won't lie you; I already have a couple of good ideas (they must be good because they were NOT mine but stolen from other poor now-forgotten CMDR), but 'till the Roster is final and the database a little bit more functional on medal awardings I'll keep them for myself. Maybe you'll face your very first Tempest comp. in a couple of weeks... if the stars are properly aligned, that's it. However, the first dude coming to me saying he can't think on any stuff to do for his Squadron and his Ship will be awarded a parchment attached to the head of some heavy rocket of sorts. THIS parchment! And well, it's widely known that we have a couple of overdue medal awardings around pending, from the time when we only had myself and my silly bloated hand-made warrants to remember what a medal was. Let's say... about 300. But rest assured that they shall be finally awarded very soon (and if they can cut road to MY IDline better the better >:-J). Those would include shinies from RtF 2008, Sept, Oct and Nov 2008 MWEs merit awards and several others we just added there for us in the hopes of you won't noticing about. And be ready to enjoy the pleasures of the new graphic awards made by FA Dempsey featuring the improved high-resolution versions of the merit medals (by LC Tempest, that rascal) that you'll find HERE. Now I shall teach you the word that might save your skillful arses one of these days, people: BACKUPS! Yes, because if our trusty database decides to pay a visit to hell ever again and never to return for whatever ominous reason, it's your own collection of backups on ALL your stuff which will make possible for your data to be restored. Therefore I reccomend you to make backups of EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!!! - Your profile. IN FULL, including INPR, Historic and Combat Records. Do as I tell you and you'll live happy forever. Don't do it and one of these days you could find yourselves as Sub-Lieutenant DOH! whose mighty craft is no less than an Utility Tug and whose last assignation was as a malfunctioning target drone. And all this because some ego-maniac upper decided to donate all records of your merits to an Aussie association dedicated to protect kangaroo natural habitats or something alike. And what else? What else? I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting something here but... ummm... Oh, yes!!! You'll surely notice (mainly because you're reading this senseless thing and you've just arrived here) that the FCHG rank table has changed a little for the highest ranks (from Executor [EXCR] up) to be REALLY attainable for those pilots who haven't rised themselves as G0ds yet. You know... trying to get 10,000 FCHG points for [IMPR] nowadays is something only possible after having fed yourselves with quite a nice number of funny-looking colourful pills. Thus let me introduce you the new FCHG system: http://tac.emperorshammer.org/base.php?page=5 And nothing else to punish your poor bryans with for the moment. Just to remind you that I'll always be there for you to come with all sorts of suggestions, questions, crazy ideas and... yeah, and complain (yes, COMPLAIN, singular as it will be the first, last and only one you'll be able to formulate, face it! ~>:-L) You know where I am, gentlemen. =)
II.a) Squadron Competitions NONE. NOTHING. EMPTY. SYNTAX ERROR. KILL YERSELVES AND ASK ME FOR A MEDAL LATER. II.b) Wing / Ship Competitions NONE. NOTHING. EMPTY. SYNTAX ERROR. KILL YERSELVES AND ASK COL DOMI FOR A MEDAL LATER. II.c) Emperor's Hammer / TIE Corps / TC Battlegroups Competitions Oh! Oh my good Lord!! But if I'm going to repeat some TC site info here. Please, have mercy!! :-P SP/MP Ace of the TIE Corps - February 2009 Dempsey's Music Video Mania TACcy Quotes DJB's Inter-Club Training Event (Multiplayer!!) III.) NO!! Performances involving the infamous trio (beer-holoTV-chips) don't count for anyone but CMDR here! III.a) Transfers / Promotions / Awards / Bribes Special Edition! Featuring all changes in rank and position I have found among my records. Medals will come as soon as the new database automatic system awards them. If anybody misses his own stuff here feel free to tell me about and I'll include it in my next report for the sakes of your vanity.
1-1 LC Zósite Kónstyte Styles
1-2 COL Daniel Bonini
1-4 COL Nav'ric Trow
2-1 LC Murleen
2-2 LCM Dunta Polo
2-3 CM John T. Clark
3-1 CM Vitaru
3-2 LT Sergeyli
3-3 CPT Alphafoxtrot1
--- CM Ark-illos
III.b) General Activity and other dreams alike ( Notation: Low/Crappy Activity Moderate Activity High/Very High Activity Insane Activity/BSF hate!! )
1-1 LC Zósite Kónstyte Styles
1-2 COL Daniel Bonini <--- (friendly FOs for everybody on this our 1st report, for your loyalty and because I say so! ;-) )
1-4 COL Nav'ric Trow
2-1 LC Murleen
2-2 LCM Dunta Polo
2-3 CM John T. Clark
3-1 CM Vitaru
3-2 LT Sergeyli
3-3 CPT Alphafoxtrot1
IV.) Do it or DO IT. Don't even dare to try! (aka. Squadron Standing Orders)
Note on order 4: if you can't actually realize this IS NOT a RL way to go you should request transfer to the Redemption or something... ¬_¬
V.) Someone flew over the Ewok's Nest (aka. CMDR's Corner)
Onboard the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Challenge, Flagship of The TIE Corps, they have a handful of creepy and ominous places. One of those places is secretly located between two decks (no, I won't tell you which decks, it comes with the "secretly located" thing) and was never mapped on official schematics due to its spooky nature. It's called "The Morgue" and it's supposed to store the rescued corpses of those Wing X pilots who bravely died on duty (when they die due to cirrhosis and/or delirium tremens they get a statue built in their memory though). But... well, to be honest, Wing X pilots are not known for dying in combat against any smart-ass pirate or flying moisture farmer thinking their 2 hours-training piloting a tractor can make a difference there. Actually this "Morgue" has not met a single costumer since the very day it was inagurated under direct command from The Fleet Medical Corps (those morons...). But... some time ago, 2 months according to my records and about 20 years or some other crazy number according to EH CS plots, someone moved here and made from this unhealthy abandoned place his own little branch of hell. He was no other than Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Cyclone CMDR back in the day, and promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel just before moving in after "Raise the Flag 2008" came to its end. The TIE Corps Fleet was officially closed for 2 months by the TIE Corps Commander himself in order to make room for some BIG-FAT Restructure and suddenly all Wing X members found themselves with no job but way too much free time. Most of them just spent this available free time doing what they do the best hands down: TO DRINK. Some others merged with their own starfighters in despair and that's the reason behind so many nasty malfunctions as of late; they just couldn't withstand the chalquilla-ion fuel change very well. And then there was Zós... the guy became more and more gloomy, taciturn and uncommunicative as time passed with no action. One day he started referring himself as "Lieutenant CoRoneR" and the next day he just disappeared within the Star Destroyer never to be seen again. But, eventually, and following some nasty and stinky blood trails Zós' old pilots managed to find him at his overhauled Morgue. Zós had been hiding there for weeks with the sole company of a bunch of his Ewok slaves. But when old Cyclone and Omicron members found him at his personal den of iniquity there were no Ewoks, not alive ones at least. And I could picture you the full scene but I'd rather shut the hell up on this one to prevent further faints. Enough to say that it involves Zós wearing a dirty lab coat with a big "Z" at his back while still featuring his LC rank badge, insane eye-rings capable of scaring the crap of Mr. Fett himself and a long, dreadful, pointy scalpel. And so it begins: <CM Vitaru> Zós!!! Zós, buddy! At last we found you! What the hell have you been doing here all this time? (*gasp*, oh my... 0__o) <LC Zós> ... <LC Murleen> Hey, Zós! Come on, we've excellent news for ya! News that will make you to be willing to come back with us in no time I tell you. :-D <LCM Dunta Polo> Sure thing! Just look who came back after having heard what we're going to announce you now. <COL Dan> You pathetic sight of a madman! Just what do ya think you were doing?! Forget those stinking dead lumps already and come back to command a REAL SQUADRON you! Because hereby, assigned among the line ranks again as Colonel, I inform you that... <LC Zós> Zós this, Zós that... who the hell that Zós dude is anyways? I'm... just... the Lieutenant CoRoneR... (*"Frau Blucher's sound effect" here*) <COL Dan> To hell with your bloody works here you sick. I'm telling you that Tempest Squadron has been reopened following the long announced TIE Corps Restructure! Wing X has merged into 2 Squadrons being the reopened Tornado the other one and you have been named the new Tempest Commander! Now you're in command of a really bloated Squadron, my friend. And we're all ready to follow you into the mayhem once again. And we'll be there together. For The Glory of The Empire!® ;-D <LC Zós> Where... did I leave those... bowels from the last experiment? X__T <CM Clark> He's hopeless, I told you! Chances are the only thing he'll ever command from now on will be his own straitjacket as soon as we return to the Wing Commander with word on all this unhealthy mess. (:-\ <LT Sergeyli> What if we just tie him with this rubber-stick and take him back with us? <COL Dan> Shut up you, psycho! ¬¬ Zós, I mean, Lt. Col... CoRoneR Zósite Kónstyte Styles, CMDR of Tempest Squadron, are you ready to come back to active duty? Are you ready to fly again for The Emperor's Hammer Strike Fleet? To regain all your merits and wear again that bloated silly dress jacket of yours instead that unbehaving lab coat? <LC Zós> Yes... hehe, yes, they also had a Fleet themselves, these little furballs... but true Science demanded *TRUE* commitment on their ends, and therefore I came up with myyyy scalpel and... <COL Trow> Oh, please stop it... <COL Dan> OK! Last chance! LoCs!! HIGHSCORES!!! The COO still owes you *YOUR* LoCs! And I won't be in the mood of returning you *YOUR* highscores unless you come back with us! Face it. Period. ~>:__D <LC Zós> LoCs... high... highscores... <COL Dan> Exactly!!! <LC Zós> Yeah... it was... LoCs as in "Legions of Combat", and those Battle Highscores... I... I... o__0!!! By the sakes of Ronin's beard!!! What the...?! What are you doing here that you aren't just running into your cockpits, gentlemen?! We have a schedule to accomplish with and I shall look it to be followed to the letter no matter what! Cut the bollocks and move on already. NOW!!! >:-D <CPT Alphafoxtrot> And who are we following again? ;-J <LC Zós> Why! The Wicked CMDR of Tempest, who else? And you better be quick not to meet my wickedness for real you! <COL Dan> Splendid! I always knew that would work. ^_^ And as the rest of Tempest pilots leave the Morgue for good, hoping to never ever see such a gruesome place again, Lt. CoRoneR Zósite turns back to see that only Vitaru walks behind him. <CM Vitaru> Sir? <LC Zós> Commander Vitaru! I want this sick place blown up within the hour. Use as many thermal detonators as necessary but level it to ashes. <CM Vitaru> Aye, Sir! >:) <LC Zós> Not so quickly!! First... pass me that scalpel over there... (*"Frau Blucher's sound effect" here too*) <CM Vitaru> ...~0__oU... VI. Anyone get the number of that donkey cart??? (aka. FCHG and Combat Ratings) (Combat Ratings not yet implemented into the new database so it's not that they might be wrong. They WILL BE wrong. FCHG ranks prolly wrong as well if your profile was not active when the old database went Kaplooey, but we're working on both issues.) Templar [TMPR] (5000 points) & Jedi 4th (500 points) [5657] & [509] LC Zósite Kónstyte Styles Optio [OPTI] (1500 points) & Officer 4th (30 points) [1966] & [39] COL Daniel Bonini Aquilifer [AQFR] (500 points) & No rank (0 points) [643] & [0] CPT Alphafoxtrot1 Paladin [PLDN] (300 points) & Trainee (1 point) [330] & [1] COL Nav'ric Trow Knight [KNGT] (250 points) & No rank (0 points) [255] & [0] LC Murleen Dragoon [DRAG] (100 points) & Trainee (1 point) [144] & [3] CM John T. Clark Lancer [LANC] (25 points) & Officer 4th (30 points) [47] & [32] CM Vitaru None (0 points) & No rank (0 points) [4] & [0] LCM Dunta Polo VII.) Operation [R]ound and Pound (aka. Squadron Roster & Citations) W-What?! You want me to paste here the Squadron Roster? Why?! You have it in the TC site... But! But!...
TEMPEST SQUADRON OF WING X : Deep Strike FLIGHT I - TIE DEFENDER What? NO?!! (*sigh*) Ok... Ok... I got it... TEMPEST SQUADRON OF WING X : Deep Strike FLIGHT I - TIE DEFENDER FLIGHT II - TIE ADVANCED FLIGHT III - MISSILE BOAT MK.I Squadron Citations (Supposedly 19, but better wait for those Flight Records and Combat Records to be completely fixed): Respectfully NUTS in service: --- Zósite Kónstyte Styles, Lord of Moonlightshadow --- CMDR-COOA-TCS-PROF/LC Zosite Konstyte Styles/Tempest/Wing X/ISDII Challenge "There's good. And there's evil. And it's the Order what make us capable of differentiate between them. So, don't bother me judging my actions; if they're good or evil. I'm above both. I serve that ORDER."
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